Entries Tagged 'birth' ↓

Peep them here.

I mean surely right?

So the Dr. just came by and did nefarious things to my wife’s nether regions only to find no change since a billion hours ago. C-section ho! I think going into this whole experience we were like “ugh no c-section” but guys, lbh over here. It’s been like 20 hours. We are pretty tired. Also! Val has a svelte pelvis.

So we are in the c-section queue, word on the street is babby by 2pm.

Also: the Dr. said “at least this way your bottom will be preserved.”

Ok so we have a new deal. This one does not provide jobs for the jobless, however.

The Dr. came buy around 9.30 and said that if Val’s curmudgeon of cervix hasn’t shown significant progress by lunchtime then it is off to c-section town. The scene here is that either Val’s svelte pelvis is just too small for my manly baby or it is all tangled up in the what not. Whatever the cause it’s not really feeling it this mroing.

So around noon we should know more.

The epidural has arriven.

After, oh, countless (fourteen I think) hours of labor Val went ahead and got the epidural. She is currently four centimeters dialated — which is about .29 centimeters per hour. I hear tell it gets quicker from here on out.

Our crazy baby has show a rather forthright dislike for “strong labor” so in the even that we’ll have to go the ol’ c-section route its better to have the epidural befor hand. So in a couple of minute Val will have dead legs and won’t be able to chase me around the room when I say mean things about her.

Hurrah!

Also the best part was when the Scottish anesthesiologist came in and said hello, Valerie acusingly asked “And where are you from?” I swear the Catrows aren’t xenophobes!

I think I missed an hour somewhere.

Dear Matt Moment,

Valerie is in the process of breaking her edge. She decided to get some neurotoxin or veinosin or something or the other. She’d be typing this except for the fact that she is literally WASTED.

Love The Catrows.

Guys seriously it took all of four seconds to hit her. Three beer Valerie over here.

So at midnight they tried to turn on the Pitocin. This was accompanied by a drop in the babies heart rate and a million minute contraction. They shut the Pitocin off (and Val rolled over to the side she’s been on most of the night) and things went back to regz.

Also there was some natural breaking of water? TMI? I dunno I averted my eyes.

As I’m innocently sitting on the provided fold down couch reading a book Val shoots me an icy stare and says:

Well I hope you are having a good time, sitting there giggling while reading David Sedaris and eating a poptart.

I mean I wasn’t having that good of a time.

• Contractions are coming fast, like every three minutes or so.
• She’s off the monitor again and walking around.
• “Dag!” was her last quote.
• We’ve got the Wizard of Oz on.
• Not to talk strictly about urine, but! For some reason they want to collect all of her urine? So every time I go to take a leak I have to move her bucket of urine out of the way. THIS IS CALLED LOVE.