An adequate amount of excitement

You may have heard: I am going to be a father. When I speak it aloud, giving form and girth to the idea, it sounds ludicrous and even preposterous. Largely, the feelings that bubble up through the oil coursing through my gleaming, unfeeling, robotic heart are positive. But it is, as you can imagine, complicated. So, when a passerby exclaims, “Congratulations!” I say “Thanks, man.”

Then we sit in awkward silence.

I suppose people expect me to gush effusively about how my pending addition to the species has given me a new perspective on life, and I’ve finally grokked What It Is All About. Two things about that though. First, my internal ruminations on parenthood might just be personal and not something I feel like expounding upon. Second, I’m not really known for my showy displays of emotion; recall the aforementioned robotic heart.

It is important for me, however, to assuage any concerns friends and family may have about my lack of so called “feelings” for my unborn child. Let me assure you that, daily, I am having plenty of feelings and that “love” is one of them that frequents the neighborhood.

Consider yourselves assuaged.

And as further proof that I am experiencing an adequate amount of excitement here is list of excitement evoking things:

• ultrasound tomorrow!
• painting a mural depicting a robot uprising
• not owning anything pink or powder blue
• making baby food
• instilling virtues
• having a DD for the next thirty weeks
• playing Johnny Cash and The Beatles in utero